Safer Sex for Men

Making your sex safer

The only way to stop HIV transmission is to use a barrier - most commonly a condom.

If you are having anal sex, it's important that you use a strong condom, and plently of water based lube.

If you aren't having anal sex, still be aware of any sores or cuts you have which may be exposed to your partner's semen. For example, if you are going to have oral sex, make sure you don't brush your teeth as this can give you small cuts in your gums; chew gum or use mouthwash instead.

Different forms of sex

• Touching and kissing are just what they say they are: responding to each other and exploring each others' bodies. risks
• Mutual masturbation is masturbating your partner and having him masturbate you; this can be part of foreplay or you can continue to orgasm. risks
• Oral sex is using your mouth to stimulate your partner's penis by licking and sucking. The full name for this is fellatio. risks
• Anal sex risks
  A third of gay men choose never to have anal sex. A further third wait until they're in a long term relationship. There's nothing wrong with wanting to wait for the right person for you to come along; there's nothing wrong with not wanting to have anal sex full stop.
  Anal sex is inserting your penis into your partner's anus, or vice versa. This will stimulate the prostate of the person 'receiving' the anal sex.
  To have anal sex, you'll need to use a lubricant, such as KY-Jelly. Massage a little lube into the anus, to help relax the sphincter. The penis should enter the anus slowly, allowing the muscle to relax; if either partner is in pain, you should stop immediately - you can always retry later, when you may be more relaxed.
  If it's your or his first time, go slowly.
  To differentiate between other forms of sex, sex involving anal sex is often referred to as fucking.
• Fingering is either using your fingers to stimulate the outside of the anus or penetrating your partner's anus with your fingers to stimulate his prostate. This will be easiest with some sort of lubricant. risks
• Fisting is along the same lines as fingering, except you insert all your fingers, your hand, and possibly some of your arm into your partner's anus. You'll need to use lube, and you may find that actually placing your fingers into a fist isn't the easiest way to fist your partner. risks
• Rimming is using your tongue to stimulate your partner's anus. risks

Some of these types of sex may seem scary and too full on; or perhaps they seem too tame. Always remember that it's your body, and that you always have the right to say 'No', no matter what you've said before and no matter what you're doing at the time.

The Risks

• Touching and kissing are safe, although there is a possibility of HIV transmission if you have open cuts or sores. back
• Mutual Masturbation is safe as long as no semen gets into any cuts or sores. back

• Oral Sex is safe if you don't get semen or pre-cum in your mouth. There is a risk of HIV transmission, particularly if you have cuts or ulcers in your mouth or a sore throat. Some men choose to wear a condom during oral sex - flavoured ones are available. back
  Tip: brushing your teeth can easily give you small cuts around your gums. If you may have oral sex, chew gum or use mouthwash instead.
  The virus herpes simplex causes cold sores and genital herpes - so if you have a cold sore your partner can catch herpes.

• Anal sex carries a high risk of HIV transmission. back
  If you have anal sex, you should wear a strong condom to greatly reduce the risk of transmission of HIV and other fluid-born infections, and use plenty of water-based lube, such as KY-Jelly - don't use an oil-based lube like Vaseline with latex condoms (nearly all condoms are made of latex - the exception is Avanti condoms), as the condom will break up. This also applies to oral sex - for example, if you have Vaseline on your lips and give oral sex to a partner with a condom on, the condom may break up.
• Fingering is safe, although if it's forceful or your nails are sharp you could tear the skin inside or outside of the anus, which would make HIV transmission easier during anal sex. If you prefer, use a latex glove. back
• Fisting is as safe as fingering in terms of STIs. However, as it's so invasive, it's more likely that you will damage the anus. Wear a latex glove and use lots of lube, going slowly and carefully. back
• Rimming carries a risk of infection, though it is unlikely that HIV will be transmitted. It's best to use an oral barrier, such as a dental dam. back